My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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