Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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