Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
