I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my shit smells like andre
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
