I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
