I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
