Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
