The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
someone owes me an orgasm
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
