just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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