I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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