i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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