My underwear smells like fireworks.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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