i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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