You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
