all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
