I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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