Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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