Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
