i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
