win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
