my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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