today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just pee around me
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I love you. Go after that dick
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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