Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
