i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
