I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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