I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
