Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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