Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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