I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
