i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
