Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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