Banned from zoo.
Again?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
