id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
