Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
