goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
