2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
