wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
