he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
