God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And then my night got REAL pukey
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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