Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
