Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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