She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
