Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
