Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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