Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
