I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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