So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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