I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
