There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
