Please, let me fuck your mom
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
