So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
