Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
