I think i peed on brittanys purse
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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