nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
