you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
