I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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