did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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