I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
