There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
