please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The power of my boobs compel you
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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