I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
