I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
