just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
