I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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