Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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