My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i need some magic done to my vagina
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
