I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
