You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
