I seem to have left my pride at pride
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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