I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
