i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
