we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
