Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
