We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
