dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
