even my farts smell like vagina
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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