We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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