chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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