And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
