He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
