Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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