I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There r osticjed everywhere
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Randomize
